discouragement

There's something wrong with Korean children. Something very wrong. They are the most superficial group of human beings one can imagine. I've noticed this before, and today I posed the question to some of my classes, "What qualities does a good friend have?"

First answer: friendly

Okay, I'll allow that.

Second answer: pretty/handsome

Really? That's the second thing you come up with? Alright, what else?

Third Answer: rich

What the hell?

It went on like this.

Another problem with Korean children, or at least my students, is disrespect. Some of my younger classes are out of control before I even walk into the room. When I do walk in I am greeted with a shrieking chant of, "PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!" My attempts to convince them that they can play after class are ignored, and chaos reigns.

(By the way, you don't know true terror until you've walked into a room full of children, each drinking a bottle of soda and eating candy, and are expected to exercise any sort of control over them.)

For the older kids, the disrespect is more blatant. Whether they are incessantly playing on their phones, talking to each other in Korean, or simply ignoring every word I say, the theme remains the same: they couldn't care less. Maybe I'm just not any good with kids. My response to that accusation would be: that very well may be true, but I'm not dealing with kids, I'm dealing with monsters.

I try to remain optimistic, but I'd hoped that these kinks would be worked out by now. Any optimism I do have is evident by me showing up everyday 60-90 minutes early to prepare a battle strategy of some sort; a strategy that usually gets shot to hell.

I'm completely ineffective and the job itself is not much fun. I feel like shit. I feel like I'm disappointing people. I feel, as much as I hate to admit it, like quitting. I try not to think about quitting, because if you give a thought like that an inch it will take a mile, but it creeps into my head regardless.

At the end of the month my schedule is changing, so I'll have some new classes/students. Maybe things will get better then. If not, I can't imagine making it another 9 months.