homesick

My first year in Daejeon I got homesick for a few weeks around the 5th month I was there. I remember this because a guy I knew asked me how long I'd been in Korea, and when I told him five months, he said that was about the time he got homesick. I remember then thinking, "Oh, yeah, homesick. That's something I should probably be."

I think that before then, I had been either too bewildered and preoccupied with the newness of everything to be homesick, or I'd gotten used to the newness of everything and was then enjoying myself.

This year I never got homesick. It's not that I haven't missed home and friends and family. But I never got the same feeling that I did around the five month mark of year one. It wasn't just an emotional or mental feeling, there was a tenable vacancy in my chest which would hit me about 10 seconds after I woke up each morning.

Even when I was laid up in the emergency ward I didn't feel homesick. But, when you think you have leukemia you don't really ever think about anything other than that you think you have leukemia.

The funny thing is that the closest I've felt to homesickness hit me on Friday. My boss told me that they found a new teacher, that I'm going home at the end of the month. I felt extremely relieved, and so anxious to go home. Before I wasn't sure how I felt about possibly coming home at the end of May, but now that it's happening, I can hardly wait. I'm suddenly aware of all the things I miss and how much I miss them, and 18 days seems like forever to wait now.