paranoia

I wasn't expecting to be this scared all the time. It's all I think about. Well, when I'm working I can push it to the back of my mind. But the second I get a chance to think, my thoughts wander, and always in the same direction. Then I go to the bathroom to check. Checking for them blood blisters.

While I was home I got a regular blood count taken, and the platelets were always solid. I last got one about a month ago and I was right around 200, which is fine. While I was home it didn't stress me; even after I went off the steroids the numbers climbed. So I wasn't worried about coming back. It was a one time freak occurrence. Sometimes it just happens to people.

Now that I'm back here I'm certain they're gonna plummet. My dilemma now becomes how to handle it in the event of a relapse. I can't just play dumb and act like it never happened before, if only to avoid another bone marrow biopsy. However, I'll have to confess to my employers that I knew it might happen. I didn't tell them about it before they hired me, but now I can't just say, "Oh, there's one little thing you should probably know about me. I might spontaneously start bleeding to death for no discernible reason."

One of the required documents to get a teaching visa here is a health statement. It's only 4 or 5 questions. One is if you've ever had any infectious diseases that threaten public health. No.  Another is if you've ever received treatment for an emotional condition. No. Another is if you've ever been HIV positive. No. The last is have you had any serious diseases or injuries for the past 5 years. Erm. I don't think I lied by checking "No", because I think of a serious disease as being cancer or the plague. But still, I now wish I'd been up front about it.