ennui

I've been back here for a week or so now. At this point I'm willing to make two predictions. One, this will be my last go round over here. And, two, I won't complete my year-long contract, but will come home after 6 or 8 months.

Nothing terrible has happened that makes me feel this way. Rather, this whole thing has gotten stale for me, I think. In prior years I would eventually feel bored or burnt out, but after 9 months or so; this year it has hit me in the first week.

My school seems to be okay. I do have one major problem with it that I'll get into in a moment. I teach mostly middle schoolers, who can be tough. Some of them don't give a damn about what I have to say. There's one class in particular who couldn't give less of a collective shit about anything I say or do. So, of course this was the class my boss sat in on and watched. She basically saw me talk to myself for a while, while a group of teenagers sat staring into space. It was one of those things that makes you laugh once it's over, because it really could not have gone any worse. In my 2+ years of teaching over here, those were the worst 40 minutes I could've possibly chosen to have a boss observe me.

But they aren't all that way. A few of them actually talk to me, and are quite good. Still, there's a certain enthusiasm that only comes from teaching the younger kids, and I miss it. I think back fondly to my students from last year and wish I could just teach them again.

I'm the only foreigner at this school, as opposed to year one when there were 6, and year two when there were 2 or 3. I wasn't sure if I'd like being the only foreigner or not, and I'm starting to feel that it's a bad thing. It's boring not having anybody to chat with, and there's nobody else there for support in the event a problem arises.

A problem certainly has arisen. On Fridays, I teach a half day: 4 classes instead of 8. As a result, after 6:30, I'm done teaching and have nothing to do. However, I'm not allowed to go home. I have to sit there until 9:30, when all the other teachers are done as well. 3 hours, on a Friday, of just sitting there and waiting. I bitched out my boss for 15 minutes about this, asking what she expected me to do, but getting no answers. She said she had to go do something but we'd talk about it later. She never came back, because that's how people handle confrontation over here. That fight isn't over, though.

So that's where we are. Maybe this week a fiery passion will be lit inside me and dash the ennui. We shall see.