worst case scenario

I'm a private person. I typically keep my own affairs to myself. For the past few days I've debated whether or not to write about this.

That being said, this is a blog about my time in Korea; something to document the best and worst times of it.

As it turns out, I'm presently going through the worst time of it.

My Dad's in the hospital, he has pneumonia. Give me pneumonia, I'll fight it off. Give a 58 year old man who's wheelchair bound because of 30+ years of living with MS pneumonia, and it's a bit dicier.

This was my biggest fear before coming here, my worst case scenario. The one thing that could have possibly kept me home.

Not knowing what's going on is excruciating, sending fragmented emails full of questions to Mom, getting bible verses as replies. Hearing "the best thing you can do for him is pray." Things like "slow progress," "long recovery," "we'll let you know if anything changes" tighten my chest and make my hands shake.

I've tried to put it out of my mind when I'm at work, but I find myself staring into nothing trying to organize my thoughts. When distraction does alleviate the feeling, it's ephemeral, serves only to slam it back down on me again after a few moments.

I want to go home.